vodka bottles & ripped up photos
by tatty ted
Summary: It wasn't the abuse or the death of her parents and sister, or the imprisonment of her brother that caused Caelli Andrews to turn to alcohol. No, it was the death of her ray of sunshine that caused Caelli to turn to drink. Now she's falling into darkness with no chance of ever seeing the light unless she finds someone to confide in. - —OC.
1. CHAPTER I

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vodka bottles and ripped up photos  
_a waterloo road fanfiction_

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Waterloo Road, School House.

That's where she lived now. At school. With her parents dead and her brother in prison, she knew this — this opportunity that Michael Byrne was offering was her only chance for a better life. It was a chance to _be_ something, not just some scrout of the local estate.

She'd had another restless night, tossing and turning until the early hours. It was at four in the morning that she decided to get up and for three hours, she'd done some reading underneath her bed with her torch.

It could be homesickness, the reason she found it hard to settle. Despite being in care for the last three years, that was her home and she did miss it now she was hundreds of miles away without the chance of ever going back.

It was just after eight when Caelli decided to go downstairs to show her face. She was wearing Mickey Mouse pyjamas and a pink dressing gown and as she walked downstairs, she realised she wasn't the only one awake.

As she went into the kitchen area, Rihannon — who Caelli really didn't like — sat at a table and upon noticing Caelli said; "Oh look, the freak's awake."

She didn't raise to it, instead she took a slice of toast and sat down by herself at the table. She understood why people thought she was a freak, her hair was bright pink and she had several lip piercings as well as her nose, her ears and her belly button.

Still how she dressed or looked like was her business, nobody elses.

Taking a bite out of the toast she remembered that today was the first day of term and Caelli suddenly lost her appetite. Placing the toast on the plate, she stood up and took it towards the bin. Throwing away her toast, Caelli put the plate on the side and returned upstairs.

Closing the door, she closed her eyes and took a deep breath. Slowly walking towards her set of draws, she opened the middle draw and pulled out a bottle of vodka. Half of it had already been drank and she unscrewed the lid and drank the rest of the liquid.

When she was finished, Caelli put the bottle under the bed. That way, nobody would suspect a thing. Feeling better almost immediately, Caelli began to get ready for school. After she'd put on her uniform, she ran her hand through her hair and decided to leave her pink hair loose.

Picking up her Jessie J school bag, she began to pack all the things she needed for the first day of term.

/

She sat on the steps outside, the packet of Richmond Blue in her hands. Taking out one cigarette, she put it in her mouth and lit it up. No sooner had she inhaled, Scout came outside. As she blew out the smoke, she looked at her and smiled softly.

"Morning!" Caelli said cheerfully although inside, she didn't feel cheery.

"Morning." Scout answered, "Since when did you start smoking?"

"Me? I've always smoked. It's always been a weakness of mine, you want one?" She shook the packet in Scout's direction but she said she didn't want one. As she stood up, she put her handbag on her shoulder, pulled down her skirt a little and sucked on the cigarette.

"How come you came here?" Caelli asked making conversation. Although they'd only met yesterday, both of them seemed to connect with each other.

"There was nothing for me at home, nout — what about you?"

Caelli sucked on her cigarette again, "Oh me? Same. At home there were gangs, drugs, teenagers been killed. I wanted better, I wanted to be something. I'm not smart or clever or 'out, just average but I still wanted to come to school and learn."

As they reached the school, Caelli stubbed out her cigarette, readjusted her tie and walked through the gate knowing that this was it. This was her big moment and she should grab the opportunity with both hands.

"You ready?" Scout asked Caelli and she nodded, "If I weren't, I wouldn't be here."

She smiled softly and made her way towards reception.

/

"And you are?" She looked up to find a male teacher with a file in his hands. She recognised him as Mr Byrne and she smiled softly,

"Caelli Andrews, year twelve." Finding her on the list he nodded and was about to walk away when Caelli began to speak; "Mr Byrne, I just want to say it's a wonderful thing you're doing here. I'm grateful to be able to be given the chance to do something with my life."

She walked off without hearing Michael Bryne thank her for her opinion. The first thing they had to go to was assembly and Caelli hated it. She couldn't really listen for long difficult periods, after ten minutes she shut off.

All the children in assembly received their time-tables and Caelli noticed that she had History first. Now, she enjoyed history a lot considering most people didn't like it and thought it was boring.

The lesson went better than expected. They were introduced to Ms McFall who would be their teacher this year. Caelli noted that she seemed nice, despite being older. Usually those who were older nearing retirement age were more strict and horrible.

After History, she had English. Now, English wasn't one of her strongest subjects as she could never get her head around the grammar or spelling aspect of it. She sat on her own, on a table at the back of the classroom and took out her pencil case and a notebook.

Given an exercise book she looked around the classroom and sighed. She knew this was going to be a long hour. Writing her name neatly on the front of the book, she opened to the front page and wrote the title and the date and unlined them.

Their first piece of written work was an essay on why English was an important subject to be taught. Halfway through her essay, she noticed Ms Mulgrew reading over her shoulder. If there was one thing Caelli hated, it was teacher's reading over her shoulder.

"May I read?" Ms Mulgrew asked and Caelli nodded. She knew exactly what was coming next before the teacher had even spoken,

"I've seen better writing from a toddler."

Caelli didn't answer back. She wanted the ground to swallow her up as she was so embarrassed that the class was able to hear what Ms Mulgrew had said to her. She dropped the book back on the desk and Caelli could feel the tears well up in her eyes as the class sniggered.

/

**_FLASHBACK._**

_"You're fucking thick." SLAP. Caelli brought her hand to her cheek and found it hot from her father's slap. It wasn't uncommon for Caelli to receive a slap every now and then when she was trying to talk to her father._

_He didn't want to know her. After Emily's death, he changed. He abused alcohol, whilst her mother worked the streets and brought enough money into the house. As for Boyd, her brother, he was obsessed with revenge. She wished she was the one to die instead of Emily._

_"Daddy, I'm—" SLAP._

_She was quiet as he stepped towards her and yanked her hair. She knew what was coming._

/

The bell rang for the end of the lesson and as Caelli was packing up, she decided she was going to speak to Ms Mulgrew. She didn't appreciate being spoken to in the manner that she had been, it was rude and profession.

After years of abuse, she finally grew a backbone.

"Miss?" She said once the last pupil closed the door.

"Yes?" She stared at her teacher in the eye and wondered if she was doing this right thing.

"I don't appreciate being humiliated in front of the entire class. If you've got a problem with my spelling, grammar whatever, take me aside at the end of the lesson. Don't humiliate me because you think it makes you look big. It doesn't. It makes you look like a bully."

"This is my classroom and I'll say what I like thank you."

"So what? This is _your _classroom and _your_ the adult and I should just sit there with my mouth shut? I don't think so darling. You said a comment which the class heard regarding my writing and that, the way you said it, is bullying. Now, I think I'm going to go to Mr Byrne about that, don't you?"

Caelli didn't give her chance to answer before she left the classroom, her heart beating furiously in her chest. She'd never once stood up for herself like that and Caelli didn't really like the feeling it gave her either. From now on she'll keep her mouth shut.

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**jottings** — new OC. it's not going to be a long story but that doesn't matter. if you like it enough to favourite/alert, please leave a review, thanks:3


	2. CHAPTER II

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**CHAPTER TWO.**

Morning break, a waste of fifteen minutes Caelli thought to herself as she looked around the playground. Teenagers were everywhere, gossiping in corners or kicking a football across the floor. She was that deep in thought, she hadn't noticed the football roll towards her until it landed by her feet.

Looking down at the floor, she kicked the football back to the group who were playing with it and noticed that her hands were shaking slightly. She knew it was a symptom of alcohol withdrawal and she pushed her bag further onto her shoulder and walked towards the gates.

Although the gates were left open, students weren't aloud out of the grounds at break time. Caelli edged towards the gate, took a look around and noticing no teachers, slipped out and walked down the street.

When she was on the way to school that morning, she noticed a small newsagent at the corner of the next street. She walked inside and slowly walked towards where the spirits were. She spotted a large bottle of vodka and she placed her hand on it before slipping it into her handbag.

"Oi!" Caelli heard and knew she was busted. She made a run for it but she wasn't quick enough as the shop-keeper pushed her to the wall.

"You stealing from me? You stealing from you, you bitch."

She smirked as she brought her knee to his balls and pushed him off her. As he doubled over in pain, she flashed him the V's and ran back towards school. When she got back to school, she was late for lesson but she didn't care. All Caelli was interested in was the sweet taste of vodka.

Reaching the girl's bathroom, she was relieved to find she was the only one in there. She put her bag down in the sink, unzipped it and took out the bottle of vodka. She unscrewed the lid and necked half of the bottle without taking a breath.

It was heaven but at the same time it was hell.

Because she was caught in an addiction at such a young age.

/

_**FLASHBACK**._

_"You're pregnant?" Caelli nodded as she shoved the white stick into her friend's hand. A pink cross on the pregnancy test confirmed their fears. Caelli was pregnant._

_"What are you going to do?"_

_Caelli looked down at her stomach. She had three options, abortion, adoption or raise the child herself. She didn't even have to think about what she was going to do. Putting both her hands on her stomach, she answered back;_

_"Keep it. This baby is my chance to do right in life."_

_"But what about your father?"_

_Caelli shrugged, "I don't care what he says."_

**_FLASHBACK ENDS._**

/

Placing the lid back on the bottle, she put it inside her bag, zipped it up and put it on her shoulder. Then she walked to the door, pulled it open and left the bathroom. As she did so, she collided with Sian sending all her files everywhere.

"Sorry." She apologised as she bend down and helped her collect the files.

"You should be in lesson." Sian said gently before she took the files of Caelli, "What lesson do you have?"

Caelli stood up and looked at Sian. With a smile she answered; "I have Art. I had to use the bathroom first, I'm sorry. It won't happen again."

She smiled softly and without another word, she walked along the corridor. Eventually reaching the Art classroom, she knocked on the door of the classroom and pushed open the door.

"Sorry I'm late." She closed the door before her and walked to the empty table at the front of the classroom. She didn't give an excuse for her lateness and the teacher allowed it to pass. After all, it was only day one of the beginning of term.

Sitting there she listened for about ten minutes before she found herself losing concentration and drifting into a world of her own.

/

_**FLASHBACK.**_

_"Hush little baby don't you cry, everything's gonna be alright." She sang to the baby boy in her arms. He was cold, his eyes closed with a cute button nose and a mop of dark brown hair. It didn't seem real. Twenty-four hours worth of labour for this._

_A dead baby, **her** dead baby._

_Had he been born alive, she would've called him Jayden. Her favourite name. The Nurse looked at Caelli and the baby she held and felt tears in her eyes. This was part of the job she hated. Mothers saying goodbye to their still-born children._

_"Come on Caelli give him to me." The Nurse whispered softly._

_Caelli shook her head, "No. He's my baby, I want him to wake up so I can take him home."_

_The Nurse put a hand on Caelli's shoulder, "I'm sorry." _

**_FLASHBACK ENDS._**

/

The sound of a chair scraping against the floor interrupted the silence in the classroom. Caelli stood up, grabbed her handbag and ran out of the classroom. As the door slammed closed, the class began to mutter.

The teacher slammed a hand down on the table, told the class to be quiet and looked at the door where Caelli had just left.

There was something not quite right about that girl. He wouldn't be surprised if somebody discovered sooner or later what was troubling her.

/

Caelli sat on the bathroom floor, feeling her heart pound inside her chest and her ears. She felt sick, she was shaking more now and she could feel herself becoming sweaty. She took out the bottle of vodka and placed it on the floor, staring at it wondering whether to take it or not.

She heard the door to the toilet open and she took a deep breath and brought her knees to her chest. As she did, she knocked the vodka bottle over and it rolled out of the toilet cubicle.

"Caelli are you in there?" Sian asked gently as she walked to where the vodka bottle had rolled too. As she picked it up, Caelli knew it was pointless to pretend she wasn't in there and admitting defeat, she sighed and stood up.

Unlocking the door, Caelli turned to Sian and whispered softly; "I can explain Miss, honest I can."

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**jottings** — blurgh, never felt so rough. only one more chapter left, i hope you're enjoying the story. i love all your reviews, you're amazing. :3 question is, will Caelli reveal all to Sian or will she still suffer in silence?


	3. CHAPTER III

**notes** — Sian may be a slight OOC but i think she needs to be in order for this chapter to work.

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**CHAPTER THREE.**

The room's quiet, too quiet for her liking and the chair is uncomfortable. She sits there, still staring at the bottle of vodka that Sian placed on the desk. She wishes she could've drank it whilst she had the chance.

Alcohol is her friend, _her only friend._

She crosses one leg over the other, un-crosses them, re-crosses them; does anything to keep her mind off the alcohol. She fiddles with her fingers, twists the ring on her middle finger whilst the silence grows between the two.

"Caelli?" Sian begans and Caelli just looks at the floor. Perhaps it's shame she feels, shame that today is the first day of term and already she's got to _attempt_ to confind in a woman with both brains and beauty, something Caelli will never have.

Sian looks at the young woman — not a woman _a girl_. A fragile girl, far too skinny, cheekbones showing. Dyed pink hair, too many piercings and the tattoo on her wrist and wonders how an earth a pretty girl got so caught up in a terrifying addiction.

"Caelli, you can talk to me."

Caelli laughs. She laughs because it sounds so easy. Talk. What's that? Caelli _doesn't_ talk, she never has. Instead she drinks, unable to sleep, starving herself because all the images in her mind haunt her.

"Don't you understand I can't Miss."

She's so calm, Sian wonders how an earth she doesn't show emotion. But Caelli's learnt over the years. It might hurt but as long as you don't show how you _really _feel, you'll be okay.

"Why?"

Caelli sighs. She knows Sian won't give up easily and maybe she admires that about her; "The things I see in here," She taps the side of her head; "They scare the hell out of me and nobody will ever understand that."

"I can try." Sian whispers back. She wonders how many students there are like Caelli. Lost in the world, desperately trying to stay afloat whilst the demons in her mind try and drown her. Sian thinks she's wonderful for trying to stay afloat.

Even if she's using the wrong kind of medicine.

"You can't understand." Caelli notices the plant at the end of the desk. Well, she says a plant; it looks more like a bush that's wild and overgrown. She moves her eyes from the plant to the bottle of vodka. Oh how tempting it looks to drink, more tempting then usual.

There's a silence until Sian speaks; "If you talk to me, I may be able to help you."

"You can't help me, nobody can." She answers back without a hint of emotion, "Dad always said I was a fucking freak, tapped in the head were his words." She taps the side of her head with her index finger.

Sian doesn't blink at the choice of language Caelli had chosen. Instead, she sensed that her family were a sensitive manner. Still Sian thought, perhaps it might get the girl to open up; "Do you not get on with your father?"

It's a question that Caelli allows to linger for a moment; "Do you really want to get onto that subject?"

Sian nods and Caelli sighs, "If we must. My father was a drunken brute, mostly knocking my mother, Emily and I around when he wasn't banged up for armed robbery. My mother, a lovely woman, worked the streets to pay for food and stuff. Then there's Jonathon, my brother, he was always crazy. I just didn't realise how much."

There's a pause, "To cut a long story short, Emily was killed — stabbed to death by a rival gang member. My father killed my mother, strangled and raped her before killing himself. Jonathon killed a man, shot him in the head on the corner of the street we lived. Me? I got away but only just."

Sian doesn't say anything. If she does, it may make Caelli quiet and they'd be back at square one.

"Before my parents died, I got pregnant. I went full term with the pregnancy and I actually believed that the baby was my chance to escape Hackney. Twenty-four hours I was in labour and he was dead."

There was no emotion on Caelli's part but if Sian was honest, she was probably used to keeping her emotions in check. There's silence still, Caelli fiddles with her finger nails wondering why she's even talking. Sian wouldn't care less, nobody cared.

Life was all about surviving.

"Caelli?" Gently she touches her shoulder, "There are people out there to help you."

For the first time in the entire conversation, a tear rolls down her cheek. She wipes it away with the back of her hand, not wanting to appear weak for crying whilst discussing her past. Sian smiles sadly, Caelli did now how to feel after all.

"Vodka, it's deadly but oh-so wonderful." She admits, "I don't want to be known as the alcoholic, school-girl with the fuck-up family. I want—"

"What do you want Caelli?"

Caelli shrugs, "Happiness I suppose. True, real happiness. Being able to sleep at night without the memories, getting up in the morning without having to drink that stuff to help me." She gestures to the alcohol bottle.

Sian follows her eyes to the bottle. She doesn't understand how someone can wake up in the morning with the need to drink. Of course, an addiction is simply an addiction. It's hard to break, just like smoking or harming yourself.

Caelli feels the tears rolling down her cheeks, getting heavier. She reachs for Sian's hand; "Promise me, you'll help me."

Sian squeezes her hand reasurringly, "I promise."

And Caelli vaguely remembers a cliché saying, something about the light at the end of the tunnel. She knows it's true, the light at the end of the tunnel may only be a dim light but Caelli knows that with support and friendship, the stars will shine bright for her.

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**jottings — **the final chapter, i like Caelli but i can't see her being a full time character. if you like this chapter, please don't forget to review.


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